An ode to you waiting for your time to come
I am a mother, though I have never given birth.
Though my womb has never carried a child, my heart holds many souls inside.
From the core of my being, my soul cries out for a child.
I was born with a mother’s heart. The desire to nurture, protect, encourage, love, and teach has been with me since day one. Mothering my siblings and cousins. From volunteering at church to babysitting friends’ children, I feel my calling is to teach little ones.
My time of true motherhood has not come, and it makes my delicate heart wonder if it will ever come. All those bringing newborns into the world and potty-training toddlers make me jealous. Why can’t I have this? Why do others get their second, third, fourth, and so on when I don’t even have my first?
My soul quiets before the all-mighty God.
I have screamed and cried out to him. I’ve called him a liar and asked why hasn’t fulfilled his promises to me. My accusations all begin with, “You said!” and “You claim!”, but I don’t stop long enough to hear his reply.
Once my demands fizzle out and my words fall upon a dry, dusty floor, I fall to the ground to weep, and in the quiet, He speaks. Not with the screams and demands like the ones I’ve thrown at him. But with a still quiet voice, He whispers to me. “The world has not ended; time has not stopped, and tomorrow will come. Hold on. Right now, the minutes seem like years and the days like decades, but one day soon, the minutes will pass like seconds and the days like a breath. It will all happen so fast. You will laugh like Sarah and wonder why you ever doubted. Though now it seems like a lifetime away, it will come.
A flower does not spring up immediately, and a batch of dough does not instantly turn to bread, so I will not rush this. I will not rush one beautiful moment between you and me. I am making a masterpiece for you. I am painting each stroke with precision, and it will be so big and magnificent that it will take decades to dry. So don’t stop believing, don’t stop dreaming, and don’t stop pursuing. You are a mother to those around you, to the family you were born into and to the family you married into. You are a mother to those encompassing you and those just entering the world. You are a mother to those your own age who never had a guiding light or an encouraging voice. I have not gone back on my promise. You are the mother I created you to be. You are a mother now. I gave you the heart of one.
Come, sit, and hand me back my brush. I’m not done with your portrait. I’m spending countless hours perfecting your beautiful story, and don’t you dare rush it because it’s going to be more stunning than you could have ever imagined. It’s going to be bigger and grander than you could have ever fabricated. Take a step back and watch me work. Listen to the bristles hitting the canvas in their soft strokes. Listen to the wooden handle click against the sides of the porcelain cup of water as I prepare the brush for a new color. A color that I will weave throughout your whole life. Release your grip on the easel and open your eyes. Watch me work.”
These words have filled my heart for nearly a year now and I have kept them inside. Though my time has not come, I know that it will, and even better, I don’t have to wait. For I am already a mother to the world around me, and I get to watch the master artist paint another line in the artwork of my life.
Happy Mother’s Day to you, my sisters. I see you, and most of all, remember, He hears you.
“Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”
-Mark 3:34-35
